Over My Dad Body

Have you ever felt like you’re not a priority in your relationship? Would he rather watch TV, scroll through his phone, or hang out with friends than spend quality time with you?

Feeling unimportant in a relationship can be disheartening. Over time, it can chip away at your confidence and leave you wondering if you are asking for too much.

If you’ve been struggling with this, I want to share a few powerful practices that can help shift your relationship from feeling casual and inconsistent to one where you feel genuinely valued, cared for, and appreciated.

Signs You Are an Option Instead of a Priority

In a romantic relationship, feeling special and significant to our partner isn’t asking for too much—it’s a basic need. It’s natural to want to be a priority and not just an afterthought.

But unfortunately, not everyone gets the attention they deserve. Life happens—work, family, and other responsibilities can sometimes take center stage. That’s just normal. But if you constantly feel like you are being pushed to the side, that shouldn’t be the norm.

Start by asking yourself these questions:

• Do you often feel like your partner doesn’t put you first?
• Are you constantly planning your life around them but rarely the other way around?
• Does it seem like they don’t acknowledge or respect your needs?
• Do you feel like you are the one putting in all the effort to keep the relationship going?
• Do you often feel unappreciated or unsupported?

If you answered “yes” to most of these, it might be a sign that you are being treated as an option rather than a priority.

Does your partner make you feel undervalued and unsupported? Do you feel like you always come second (or worse, dead last) behind everything else in their life?

If that sounds familiar, here are some signs that you might be an option rather than a priority.

Your partner doesn’t make you feel important.

Maybe you feel like you’re the one putting in all the effort, but it’s never really reciprocated. When they really want to do something, you make sure to keep your schedule open—you plan around them, whether it’s for their favorite band’s concert or a movie they have been dying to see. You go out of your way to prioritize their wants, needs, and happiness.

But when it comes to your interests or plans, it doesn’t feel like they put in the same effort.

Over time, this can make you feel like you’re not “good enough” or “important enough” for them to prioritize you. And if this pattern continues, it’s only natural to start feeling unappreciated and unhappy in the relationship.

Every plan is built around what works for them.

Does your partner only reach out at the last minute to make plans? Do they seem oblivious to your schedule and expect you to drop everything whenever they call?

It might feel like you’re just a backup option—someone they turn to only when all their other plans fall through. Sure, life happens, and sometimes plans get canceled. But if your partner constantly bails on you at the last minute or always has an excuse for why they can’t see you, it could be a sign that you are not as much of a priority to them as they are to you.

Even worse, if they somehow always have time for others but never for you, that’s a pretty clear sign you are being treated as an afterthought. And let’s be real. That’s just not how you deserve to be treated by someone who claims to love and respect you.

If this keeps happening, it may be time to take a step back. Reclaim your confidence, recognize your worth, and, if necessary, walk away. You deserve better.

They never introduced you to their family and friends.

When someone truly values you, they’ll want to introduce you to the important people in their life.

If your partner never brings you around their friends or family, it could mean they are not ready to fully commit. Maybe they’re worried about what others will think, or maybe they just don’t see the relationship as long-term.

If you have been together for a while and they never mention you to their close circle, it’s a pretty clear sign—you are being treated as an option, not a priority.

Your partner leaves you out of their future plans.

A relationship is a partnership; when building a life with someone, it’s only natural to expect to be included in major decisions.

But if your partner makes big choices—whether about their career, health, or family—without even considering your input, that’s a huge red flag. It means you’re not a priority.

Being left out of their plans can be painful, even embarrassing, like finding out about their big promotion or their decision to move to a new city after everyone already knows. No one expects to be the center of their partner’s world 24/7, but in a healthy relationship, you should at least be kept in the loop about the important things.

Puts zero effort into making the relationship better.

A good partner puts in the effort to strengthen the relationship and make you feel appreciated.

Maybe they surprise you with small gifts, cook your favorite meal, or simply do little things that show they care. But if they never put in any effort to make the relationship better, it could be a sign that they don’t see a future with you.

If they are constantly picking fights or starting arguments for no reason, it might mean they are not as invested as you are. And if they keep threatening to break up or saying things like, “I’m not sure this is working” or “I need space,” they may be using manipulation to get what they want.

Another sign that you are not a priority in their life.

You feel drained and unappreciated.

Romantic relationships should bring happiness, not take it away. But if your partner constantly treats you like an afterthought and disregards your needs, it can leave you feeling unappreciated and even chip away at your confidence and self-esteem.

A healthy relationship should feel like a partnership—two people working together toward a shared future. But if you are always made to feel like just another option at the bottom of their list, it can start to take an emotional toll.

Have you noticed that since being with your partner, you feel more insecure? Do you often find yourself feeling irritable, confused, or just generally unhappy?

These could be signs that your relationship is negatively affecting your well-being. It might be time to reassess things—whether that means changing the dynamic or reconsidering the relationship altogether.

Why doesn’t your partner make you a priority?

There could be many reasons why your partner is not making you a priority. Every relationship is different, but some basic principles, such as valuing and considering your partner should always apply.

If they constantly neglect your feelings and needs, here are some possible reasons why they might not be putting you first.

Different wants and needs

Differences in goals and priorities can make it hard for someone to put their partner first.

Your partner might be more focused on their career, personal ambitions, or other commitments, leaving your relationship lower on their list. They could also be juggling a busy schedule or feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, making it difficult to find a healthy balance between work, personal life, and relationships.

Poor communication

Productive communication leads to productive relationships, which helps avoid a wife ignoring the husband or a husband not prioritizing the wife.

If you and your partner don’t effectively communicate your needs and expectations, they may not completely understand how important it is for you to be a priority in their life. Effective communication skills can be the key to experiencing emotional satisfaction in your relationship.

Personal issues

Your partner might be going through things like stress, health issues, or unresolved emotions that make it hard for them to put you first in the relationship. Their past experiences and upbringing also shape how they prioritize you. Childhood memories, past relationships, and even cultural influences all play a role in how they behave and treat you as a partner.

That’s why empathy and understanding are so important in any relationship. Instead of seeing it as a lack of effort, try to recognize their struggles and work together to find a way forward.

Outside pressures

If you often find yourself thinking, “My partner always puts me last,” it’s worth considering what might be causing this behavior.

External pressures—like work demands, financial stress, or family obligations—could be weighing on him. He might be feeling overwhelmed and struggling to juggle everything, making it hard for him to prioritize your relationship right now.

What to Do If You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship

This is not the time to lash out, feel hopeless, or put your life on hold just because someone you love isn’t making you a priority. Instead, here are several practical steps you can take when your partner isn’t putting you first.

Let them know how you feel.

One of the best things you can do when you feel like your partner is not putting you first is to talk to them about it.

Be open and honest about how you feel, but keep the conversation calm and constructive. Instead of blaming or accusing, use “I” statements to express your emotions—for example, “I feel unimportant when…” rather than “You never make me a priority.”

Be clear about what you’re okay with and what crosses the line in your relationship. This helps keep the discussion productive and encourages your partner to listen without getting defensive.

Be patient and understanding.

If your spouse isn’t putting you first, chances are there may be deeper reasons behind it.

Try to see things from their perspective and consider the challenges they might be facing. Listen with empathy and an open mind—you might be surprised to learn they are struggling with things they’ve never shared before.

Make time for each other.

You may not be able to spend every moment together but make the time you do count. Focus on quality over quantity—be present, engage with each other, and enjoy the little moments without distractions.

Talk openly and honestly.

Encourage open and honest conversations with your partner by creating a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. The more you communicate openly, the stronger your connection will become.

When you tackle the issue together, you might be surprised at the solutions you come up with. Talk openly with your partner, share ideas, and be willing to compromise or make adjustments to improve the situation.

Work through negative thoughts and feelings.

Avoid letting negative thoughts build when your partner doesn’t put you first—it only creates more distance. Instead, focus on finding healthy ways to address the issue and work toward a solution together.

Make time for yourself.

Taking care of yourself can make a big difference when you feel your partner is not putting you first. Prioritize your emotional, mental, and physical well-being, and focus on your happiness—regardless of how your partner is acting.

Never Settle for Being Just an Option

If your partner constantly puts their own needs ahead of yours, leaves you feeling emotionally drained, or makes you feel like you’re not a priority, it’s time for an honest conversation.

These are clear signs that they may not see you as a long-term partner or be fully committed to the relationship. If you are unhappy with how things are going, don’t be afraid to speak up. And if they are not willing to work on things, it might be time to consider moving on.

You got this. I am rooting for you.